Tips From JJ (July '16) Change to Get Cooperation

How can I change the people in my office and at home to be more cooperative with me during stressful times? We seem to be pushing each other's buttons. What's the best way to deal with this?


1. We always want others to do the changing but the Law of Attraction tell us that we’re the ones who need to change first! Remember, we don't have the power to change anyone else, we only have the power to change ourselves. If we change ourselves enough, we have a better chance of influencing others in a positive direction. We actually gain power by making the changes ourselves even though we really want the others to change without our having to do anything.

2. The reality is that stress brings out the worst in people. When there is too much to do in too short a time and maybe physical problems are adding to the stress, it’s time to reevaluate the situation.

The stress tightens our bodies and brains, giving us headaches and other pains. We begin to have disaster fantasies around the situation. Then our efficiency and perspective are lost making us self centered and even angry at others for not cooperating.

3. Start with practicing good time management and stress reduction yourself so you appear more calm and in control.

(Email JJ if you'd like some tips on these)

4. Then you can change the way you react the next time you're confronted with an uncooperative or stressed out co-worker, or someone in your personal life.

5. Remember — get in their shoes and feel their frustration.

If they're obviously upset, and perhaps even taking it out on you with angry words or passiveness (frowns), look for the commitment under the upset. They're probably committed to doing a good job, meeting deadlines or looking good and they're not getting what they need to meet those commitments. They push back because they see us as an obstacle or point of their frustration.

6. KEY POINT to remember! It's not about you, it's about them! *** So forget yourself and look at the situation through their eyes.

7. Hear what they're saying and also read between the lines on what they're not saying.

8. Empathize with them on their lack of time and extra help to accomplish their commitments. Show them you feel and recognize their frustration. Ask what you can do to help and then follow through.

This is when they'll realize that they are being self centered and pushing back at you with their anger. As you stay calm, thinking only of their feelings, they will begin to voice possible solutions to the situation themselves.

This is the beginning of cooperation, compromise and teamwork, which adds up to partnering and creating a working relationship with them. (Use it in your personal relationships to eliminate emotional upsets and potential disasters too.)

To deal with some people in your life you have to refuse to take anything personally that occurs in your interactions with them. By refusing to push back at them, you help them feel safe, valued and connected with you! It eliminates stress between you and fosters cooperation.


***Getting cooperation starts with getting in their shoes and making it about them and not you.

*** Make the effort to forget yourself temporarily and reach out to the other person through the stressful time. Later a sense of humor, exercised at the right time, can also be of tremendous help to break the tension.

***To minimize stress, surrender to change immediately so you can create a new comfort zone for yourself as quickly as possible. I found I hated the word surrender at first, but later embraced it as a major key to making things happen quickly!

***Encourage cooperation with your stressed teammates by having a stand-up sharing meeting periodically. Everyone can increase productivity and cooperation by sharing some of the ways they've discovered how to cut stress, wasted time and reinventing the wheel.

Sharing new successes brings on accolades and bolsters self esteem and team sprite. After all, isn’t that our job!

It's a triple win for you, your company and ultimately, your customer or family!


If you don't make changes when changes are due, you'll bring in drama and trauma to make those changes anyway!

(Example: Getting a traffic ticket for speeding after telling yourself to slow down!)


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Have you had an Evaluation of Your Environment lately so you could receive suggestions on improving it? (It's like the doctor's check up, you often don't know you need it, until after you've had it.)


JJ Lauderbaugh, CMC
1716 Husted Ave.
San Jose, CA 95124
Phone 408 445-1590

JJ works with companies that want to give exceptional customer service to increase sales, and with Directors and Call Center/Help Desk Managers who want to improve human performance.

She's an international speaker, trainer, facilitator and certified management consultant (CMC) on customer service management, specializing in performance improvement, call centers, up/cross selling and outbound calling.

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Reprinted with permission from JJ's Tips, a monthly internet newsletter.
JJ Lauderbaugh, CMC, JJ Lauderbaugh & Associates, 2016
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